The Brené Brown Approach to Perfectionist Crochet Syndrome

You know that feeling when you've ripped out the same row for the seventeenth time because one stitch looks slightly wonky? When you've spent three hours on something that should have taken thirty minutes, and you're starting to wonder why you even picked up that hook in the first place?

Yeah. I've been there too. And if you have ADHD or anxiety like I do, that perfectionist voice gets LOUD.

But here's what changed everything for me: Brené Brown's research on perfectionism isn't just life-changing for relationships and careers - it's revolutionary for makers.

Last month, I was working on a simple baby blanket for my friend's shower. Simple pattern, soft yarn, pure love project. But three squares in, I noticed my tension was slightly off on ONE square. Not noticeable to anyone else, but I knew.

Two hours later, I'd frogged and re-crocheted that square six times. I was frustrated, my hands were cramping, and I was spiraling into that familiar thought pattern: "If I can't even make a basic granny square properly, why am I even trying?"

Sound familiar?

The Brené Brown Framework: Perfectionism vs. Healthy Striving

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In "The Gifts of Imperfection," Brown makes a distinction that completely shifted how I think about my handmade work:

Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. It's a defensive move. It says, "If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize shame, blame, and judgment."

Healthy striving focuses on you. Perfectionism focuses on what others think.

Here's how this translates to crochet:

Perfectionist Crochet Thinking:

• "This has to look store-bought perfect or people will think I'm not good at this"

• "How can I justify my price if everyone can see these imperfections?"

• "Everyone else's projects look flawless on Instagram and mine still looks homemade”

• "Why doesn’t this look like the pattern photo?! I’ve redone it 4 times!"

Healthy Striving Crochet Thinking:

• "I'm learning and improving with every project."

• "The love and time I put into this matters more than technical perfection."

• "Handmade charm includes beautiful imperfections."

• "This project serves its purpose and brings me joy."

The "Good Enough Gauge" System

Brown talks about embracing "good enough" as a radical act of self-compassion. For crocheters, I’d call this the "Good Enough Gauge" - a mental framework for deciding when to keep editing vs. when perfectionism is taking over.

Step 1: The Function Test

Ask yourself: "Does this affect the function of the item?"

• Will the blanket still keep someone warm?

• Will the hat still fit properly?

• Will the scarf still look beautiful when worn?

If the answer is yes, it functions, move on.

Step 2: The Love Test

Ask: "Will the recipient (including yourself) feel the love and effort I put into this?"

• Can they tell I made it with care?

• Does the overall project reflect my good intentions?

• Will they treasure it because I made it for them?

If yes, it's good enough.

Step 3: The Growth Test

Ask: "What am I actually learning from continuing to perfect this?"

• Am I improving a skill, or just feeding anxiety?

• Is this teaching me something new, or am I stuck in a perfectionist loop?

• Will redoing this help my next project, or just delay finishing this one?

If you're not learning anything new, it might be time to move forward.

Practical Applications: The "Perfectly Imperfect" Mindset Shifts

Instead of: "I need to frog this again"

Try: "This is evidence that a human made this with love"

Brown says shame needs secrecy and silence to grow. The antidote? Talking about our imperfections openly. When you give that "imperfect" blanket as a gift, own it: "I made this for you, wonky stitches and all, because you're worth my time and love."

Instead of: "Everyone else's work looks perfect"

Try: "I'm comparing my behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel"

Social media shows us finished projects in perfect lighting. It doesn't show the dropped stitches, the frogging, the learning curve. Your work doesn't need to look like an Instagram post to be valuable.

Instead of: "I'm not skilled enough to try that pattern"

Try: "I'm worthy of attempting something that excites me"

Brown's research shows that shame-based thinking keeps us small. What if instead of waiting until you're "good enough," you tried that challenging pattern because you're curious and want to grow?

The Neurodivergent Angle: Why This Matters for Us

If you have ADHD, autism, or anxiety, perfectionist thinking can be especially paralyzing because:

• Our brains already amplify criticism - we don't need to add craft perfectionism on top

• We often have rejection sensitive dysphoria - the fear of imperfection becomes fear of judgment

• Our thoughts and attention can get stuck in loops - perfectionist frogging becomes a hyperfocus trap

• We judge ourselves more harshly - Brown's self-compassion work is crucial for neurodivergent makers

Your Action Plan: Implementing "Good Enough" in Your Next Project

Practice the Gauge System

For your current project, use the Function/Love/Growth tests before you frog anything. Write down your answers if it helps.

The Imperfection Challenge

Deliberately leave one small "imperfection" in your next project. Notice how it feels. Practice Brown's mantra: "I am enough, and this work is enough."

Celebrate Progress

Take photos of your work in progress, not just the finished pieces. Document your growth, not just your "perfect" moments. The transformation is actually incredible once you see it for yourself!

The Freedom on the Other Side

Brown says courage, compassion, and connection are the gifts of embracing imperfection. For crocheters, this translates to:

• Courage to try new techniques without fear of failure

• Compassion for yourself during the learning process

• Connection through genuine, heartfelt handmade gifts

Your crochet doesn't need to be perfect to be precious. Your stitches don't need to be flawless to be full of love. And you don't need to be an expert to create something meaningful.

Ready to break free from perfectionism?

If this resonates with you, I can't recommend "The Gifts of Imperfection" enough. Brown's research-backed approach to shame resilience and self-compassion will transform not just your crafting, but how you show up in the world.

Get The Gifts of Imperfection here!

Her companion book "Daring Greatly" dives even deeper into vulnerability and courage - perfect for crafters ready to share their work with the world, imperfections and all.

Get Daring Greatly here!

Your Turn!

What perfectionist crochet habit are you ready to drop? Shoot me an email and let me know! I'd love to cheer you on as you embrace "good enough" as the new perfect.

Remember: You are enough, exactly as you are. And so is your crochet.

P.S. Want more mindset shifts for neurodivergent makers? Join my newsletter for doses of encouragement, curated book recommendations, and permission to create imperfectly.